well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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