yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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