Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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