I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
