dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
