Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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