She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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