That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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