She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
