sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
