New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
