get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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