i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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