So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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