You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
