i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
