You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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