She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
