Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
