to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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