i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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