So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
