is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
