Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
