hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The uberlube is also flammable
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
