eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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