Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
