Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
