I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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