If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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