What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
