I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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