Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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