Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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