why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im holly from the hills drunk
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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