I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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