just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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