Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
