ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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