i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
