I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
