i would punch a child for taco bell
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
