Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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