let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
