I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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