I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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