with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
