i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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