2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
