Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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